Yesterday I made a Facebook post about spoiling my daughter and how I hope that the end result would be for her to have high expectations of any other man that comes into my Princess’s life. The resulting discussion in the comments really got me thinking through what makes the difference between positive and negative spoiling.
There’s nothing positive about a spoiled brat who expects everything to be given to her or done for her. Creating someone like this is definitely not one of my goals. So why do I think that spoiling my daughter is a good thing?
First of all, I don’t really spoil her much by buying her stuff. That really doesn’t yield positive results. Kids who expect things to be given to them all the time, result in adults who expect to get whatever they want. That’s just not a sustainable life style. Besides, stuff never really makes people happy.
I also wouldn’t want her to have everything done for her to the point that she is incapable of doing things for herself. She needs to learn how to take care of herself so she is prepared if she goes away to college, or takes a while to get married. Or perhaps she won’t get married. Who knows what life has in store for her. She needs to be ready for whatever life throws at her.
What I want is for her to be secure in who she is. I want her to know that I do things for her just because of who she is, not because of anything she does. My desire is that she won’t then need to seek out someone to make her feel special. Instead, she will KNOW she is special and will seek out someone who recognizes that fact and will treat her as such.
A princess is sometimes thought of as someone who can’t do anything for herself and requires being waited on hand and foot. That is not my goal for my Princess. I want her to be treated like a princess because she is one, not because she can’t do it for herself. We make sure that when she asks us to do something for her, that it isn’t because she can’t do it herself. This helps to build her self confidence as well.
Overall, my goal is to make life very tough for any potential suitor. I want them to have to pursue her and work to be deserving. I don’t want her to feel like something is missing in her life and she needs to go out and seek it. They say that a healthy relationship with their father is one of the most important factors in girls growing up to have healthy relationships with men. I definitely don’t want to let down my end of the deal. The spoiling will continue. You’re welcome.
P.S. Young man, you better bring your A+ game, ’cause your A game just won’t do. (Take your time. She doesn’t get to date until she’s 30.)