Today’s Modern Translation

WritingI’m going to create a new version of the Bible. Not only is the language outdated in most versions, but much of it just doesn’t mesh with our modern society.

Removing content that modern science knows is not correct is a high priority.  Everyone knows now that life on Earth evolved and wasn’t created in seven days. We also know that our sexual preferences are hard wired in our brains. It’s all scientific fact. It’s ridiculous to think our scientists could be wrong, so we’ll just remove anything they disagree with.

I’m going to remove anything outdated or old fashioned. Women these days are independent and strong. I’ll leave out any references to women not being leaders or having to submit to anyone. Our society is functioning fine without involved fathers anyway, right? We’ll just cut that stuff right out.

I’m going to remove anything that is difficult to do. What’s all this about loving your neighbor and stuff? Have you met people these days? There’s no way Jesus could have anticipated how big of jerks people can be now. Anything that is just too difficult to live out just shouldn’t be in there. We don’t want people to feel like they’ve got to change something about themselves. All of that’s gone.

And what’s all of the talk about sin and “falling short”? It’s really hard on a person’s self esteem. We need to build people up and encourage them. That stuff just doesn’t belong in there.

I’m also going to remove anything that is hard to understand. So many verses and even books just don’t make much sense. Prophecy is particularly difficult to understand like in Daniel or Revelation. Instead of trying to footnote it or study other texts to make sense of it, we’ll just leave it out. Nobody believes that stuff is really going to happen anyway, right?

Then there’s all that legalistic stuff in the Old Testament. Long lists of genealogies are pretty irrelevant too. I’m thinking we can really cut back to just the most critical items.

That leaves us with only one verse… “Jesus wept.”